-tion!
by slash mania
Summary: When Cobb stumbles upon Arthur and Eames's 'friends with benefits' relationship, he finds that his only course of action is to get them to fall in love. He had always known that making it happen would require a group effort...and maybe nine letter words that all end in '-tion'


A.N- Another Inception fic. This took me four false starts, two rewrites, and a total of two and half weeks to complete. I apologize for any errors that have escaped my notice- they will be fixed as soon as possible! Rated for talk of sexual situations and mature language. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inception. I do not own any of the songs mentioned in this story. I make references to Tom Hardy's cute Kleenex commercial.

-tion!

There was a benefit to coming to the warehouse early; as Arthur's phone lit up and began to play the chorus of "Shut Up and Sleep With Me" by Sin With Sebastian, they had the perfect opportunity to share identical dirty smiles and race each other to the nearest private area. While the bathroom might have been okay, the acoustics would make their activities obvious. So their next option was the closet.

They had a system. It had been worked out over the years of fighting sexual tension and flirting. They had jokingly likened their use of ringtones to the musical countdown for the kick. Instead of "_Non__, __Je Ne Regrette Rien_", Arthur and Eames chose songs like "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang, "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band, "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye, "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk, "Love Game" by Lady Gaga, and "Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack.

If they had company but wanted to escape the warehouse, Eames would play one of those songs, pretending to have received a phone call or text message. When it was just the two of them, Arthur _or_ Eames could initiate a clandestine hook-up by playing one of _those_ songs- to outside observers it was more believable for Eames to pick a ridiculous song for his ringtone than it was for Arthur to choose Lady Gaga to alert him of an incoming call.

Arthur made it to the closet first, opening the door so he could get inside with Eames hot on his trail. The Forger slammed the door shut, leaving them in complete darkness. But that was alright; Eames used the darkness as an excuse to read Arthur like Braille, letting his hands palm and squeeze and pull little moans and sighs from Arthur, who was doing pretty much the same thing to Eames. It didn't matter how many times they did this- it hadn't gotten old, the lines of their bodies were familiar and safe, and the game of seeing who could get off first and in the shortest amount of time was still exciting. Bonus points went to whoever could get-off before their fellow teammates arrived.

It wouldn't do for their teammates to find them in such a position; it wouldn't do for them to read too deeply into this thing the two dream workers have been doing for such a long time. While Arthur and Eames were pretty sure that Ariadne and Yusuf had an idea of what their relationship was truly like, that didn't stop others in the dreamshare community from jumping to conclusions.

Because while it was a popular theory that Arthur and Eames were together, that the perfect polar opposites who fought too much for it to _just_ be based on some kind of rivalry were in a relationship, there was just one little thing wrong with other people's opinions. While it was true that they had a relationship of sorts, some made assumptions.

For example:

Rumor- Arthur and Eames are good friends.

Fact- Arthur and Eames are friends with benefits.

Rumor- Arthur and Eames are dating.

Fact- Arthur and Eames only have sex.

Rumor- Arthur and Eames are in a loving relationship.

Fact- Arthur and Eames aren't in love.

But that changed once Dominic Cobb literally stumbled onto their casual relationship and tried to _fix_ them.

His plan somehow involved ideas that began with nine letter words, all of which end in '-tion.'

Fact- This will not be pretty…

* * *

It started with a whisper.

Cobb, who had arrived at the warehouse to find all the lights on but no one in attendance, wanted to hang up his jacket. He hadn't heard the whisper through the closed closet door or over the sound of his thoughts- they were humming, buzzing, and clicking away with the energy of the new job back in the world of _legal dreamshare_. He smiled and savored those words- after all the years of running from authorities, stealing secrets, and risking his life, he had finally found his way back home. Cobb was free to do the work he loved in the less troubled waters of the legal dreamshare pool. The jobs had been sedate, many of their marks weren't severely militarized, and their clients had yet to attempt kill them after the work was complete.

During his years on the run with ultra-competent Arthur at his side, he had begun to think of this safe work as something of a reward or a well deserved luxury. That after the long wait, he would be able to fully enjoy it. In his mind, the words _legal dreamshare_ ranked as high as _good dark chocolate_. So, it was safe to say that Cobb was distracted as he pulled off his jacket, held it up by the collar and opened the door to the closet without another thought. When he actually looked inside and caught on to what was going on, he froze.

Thankfully, the sound of the door opening along with the sudden intrusion of the light from the hall entering their ill chosen niche, caused them to separate. Well, mostly separate. Eames broke the kiss that Arthur had begged for with his whispered command of, "Come on- come _on_, we don't have much time!", but that didn't mean that their hands had moved from their scandalous positions.

Cobb's eye twitched and he averted his gaze when he noticed that Arthur had one of his hands gripping the Forger's collar as the other remained half in-and half-out of the man's pants. Eames had been pressing one hand flat against the Point Man's chest, pushing him against the wall. The other hand had been working on Arthur's belt.

The entangled dream workers looked at Cobb without shame- without embarrassment- well, not _for themselves _that is. But before either man could say anything, Cobb was moving. He was getting out of the way, turning his back, and walking down the short hall that would lead to the main room of the warehouse.

He clutched his jacket like it was a talisman, a totem- as he was walking he dug out his true totem and felt reassured by the weight of it. So, he wasn't dreaming. That was good, he thought. But it didn't help him when he struggled to find a proper reaction to this- they were all adults, for god sakes!

They just needed time to cool down, all of them.

So, Cobb left to get coffee and a peace-offering of donuts.

Fatherhood had given Cobb the skills to balance many things at once. He wasn't a bumbling father- he wasn't like the dads he'd see at the beach trying to carry the beach umbrella and children's toys, with the beach towel draped over his shoulders like a cape, or those sad fathers that couldn't handle making breakfast _and_ getting the kids ready to go to school!

Cobb was as close to a SuperDad as humanely possible. If anything, his long separation from his children made him overeager to prove himself! Cobb was capable of cooking meals and making healthy snacks. Cob was a master of kissing away the small hurts from skinned knees and could scare the living crap out of any monster that lurked under his children's beds or inside their closet. He had wished for all of those little worries while he was on the run- he had known that getting the kids stuffed animals wouldn't _truly_ make up for his absence, but what else was he supposed to do?

As he was carrying the to-go carafe of coffee and balancing the box of donuts in his arms, Cobb couldn't help but think of his latest problem. He frowned at the way he labeled Arthur and Eames. Despite their squabbling, they were the best Point Man and Forger in all of dreamshare. They were almost like a rare set of collectibles whether it was beanie babies, action figures, or the prized first editions by a favorite novelist. Having one of those prized dream workers on his team would make Cobb happy, but to have _both_? It was like a collector's dream…

Arthur had to be Cobb's truest and most steadfast friend. After Cobb had gotten settled and was thinking of going back to work, Arthur had appeared at his doorstep with five prospective jobs on the legal side of dreamshare. He had also stayed to visit with Philipa and James, who had missed their Uncle Arthur almost as much as they had missed their father.

But Eames had been a bit slower to forgive Cobb. He agreed to work with them on new jobs and he was polite, especially when Arthur was watching. He eventually let go of his resentment during one of their first jobs working on the right side of the law. Cobb had thought to show him some of the latest pictures of the kids and found out something new about Eames. He had a soft spot for kids. Just about anything that was cute, small, and defenseless would make an annoyed look disappear from the Forger's face. Most sins would be forgiven and in Cobb's case it earned something that almost looked like peace. Almost.

As Cobb walked back to the warehouse with his bribes of caffeine and sugary donuts, he tried to think of a way to let the two men know that everything was alright. That he was a little shocked, but that he wasn't against their relationship. He was glad that they had finally put aside their differences and settled down.

Any idiot could see through Arthur's snipping and Eames's flirting- Arthur and Eames were in love! It was all hearts and flowers and the long withheld affection that had finally come to a head. Arthur and Eames could be the perfect couple. If Cobb read between the lines, he could see how the two men had been saying they loved each other for years.

What he had walked in on as he was trying to hang up his jacket wasn't unusual for young couples in love. Cobb shook his head and remembered when he and Mal were like that-after they had gotten involved in dreamshare, but before he completed the first ill-fated Inception. Back when they were young dreamers in love, everything seemed possible and nothing had been out of their reach.

Cobb was going to tell them that he accepted their relationship- that he was proud of them both because they had put their differences aside and took a big step together. He could ask that Eames not hurt Arthur, because the Point Man was like a brother to him. He'd say something similar to Arthur in regards to Eames, something like, "Please don't hurt him- he's my go-to babysitter."

He was going to go for supportive, but also remind them that while he was all for their new relationship, he didn't feel comfortable with them getting together in closets or other mostly private areas of the work-place.

Stepping through the warehouse front door, Cobb was full of enthusiasm and positive energy! All team members were accounted for. In fact, Ariadne and Yusuf both greeted him with grateful smiles and complaints about lacking their morning caffeine boost. They took the coffee and donuts away to place them on a nearby table.

"What a wonderful idea!" Ariadne said as she poured the first cup and kindly offered it to him. He smiled and immediately went to the small fridge in the corner, opened it, and found that Arthur had made sure to stock it with half and half.

All was right in the world, Cobb thought before taking the first sip of his doctored coffee, gearing up for the brief talk he wanted to have with Arthur and Eames about work-place behavior.

When he did approach them, he saw that they had gotten their cups of coffee and one donut each. It was kind of sweet to see how Eames was thoughtfully putting a couple of packets of sugar-substitute into each cup of coffee. Arthur had set down one of the paper plates to take a bite out of the donut he had claimed for himself, eating over the plate to avoid making a mess.

"Still a sucker for sprinkles, Arthur?" Cobb said, fully aware that the Point Man had a love of all things sweet.

Arthur glared at him, still chewing. No doubt, when he had the chance, he was going to say something along the lines of "everything in moderation, even moderation".

Eames looked up and noticed this, laughing to himself at the Point Man's predicament.

"He's also got a problem with trying to talk while his mouth is full," Eames smirked at Arthur. "Isn't that right, darling?"

Arthur's eyes narrowed further and his cheeks flushed. Cobb had a moment where he didn't understand Arthur's embarrassment and then it hit him. Unfortunately, that glimmer of understanding occurred as he was taking a sip of coffee.

Cobb barely stopped himself from choking.

Eames looked at Arthur; both appeared unsurprised by his behavior and waited patiently for him to get himself sorted out.

"Look," he began, trying to remember all of the arguments and ideas he'd thought up on the walk, "I'm happy for both of you- this relationship has been a long time coming, but I'm glad that you've both gotten to that point."

Arthur put on his most serious frown and said, "We don't know what you're talking about, Cobb."

"But-but, the closet! The kissing!"

Eames shrugged at him. "I could go into how a 'kiss is just a kiss' but I don't think you'll care very much. We aren't in the kind of relationship you _believe_ we're in."

"What about all that romantic subtext? You guys are in love. I know it, I swear that I can _feel it!_"

There was quick glance between the Forger and Point Man. It was then that they tried to break Cobb of this strange delusion.

"We aren't in love," Arthur said very firmly- if he was aware this entire scene was being watched by their now captivated team members, he didn't seem to care. "We are in a physical relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. What you saw in the closet was a spur of the moment thing and I apologize- it won't happen again."

Eames was nodding his agreement. "You see, Cobb. Some people can divide their emotions from their actions. For me and Arthur, this means that we can still be intimate but not feel so _intimately_ _engaged_. There is a name for it…its right on the tip of my tongue…"

"Friends with benefits," Arthur supplied, earning a thankful smile from Eames.

Cobb didn't know what to say. He, he just couldn't begin to argue against this! They were consenting adults, were in a physical relationship, and also _worked together_. But, how could they believe that there were no romantic feelings involved?!

But Cobb couldn't force the words out. In light of his silence, Arthur and Eames viewed it as consent- not exactly approval, but something that they could live with.

"It was great to have this talk," Arthur said picking up his cup of coffee and then disposing of his used paper plate- he was so good, that he didn't even have a smear of chocolate or a sprinkle on his person to show that he indulged in a sweet treat. Cobb began to link that to this new idea about Arthur and Eames's not-so-romantic relationship.

He watched them move away from him. They separated to sit at their own areas in the warehouse-Arthur going to a desk where his laptop was up and running and Eames choosing a chair sit in and read one of their Point Man's file folder's that was full of information for their latest job.

Cobb blinked and noticed that Ariadne and Yusuf were still watching him, looking a little concerned and curious. He was sure that they were going to find a reason to talk to him- Cobb was already sure that the first topic they spoke of was going to be about this "friends with benefits" thing.

* * *

"I think he needs a stiff drink," Yusuf said as they stood in the remote quiet of his lab, looking at a row of bottles with neat handwritten labels. 'They' included himself, Ariadne, and Cobb. The Extractor frowned when he heard the word _stiff_.

"No one needs a stiff-anything, Yusuf." He caught the look on the Chemist's face and then waved one hand, exasperated. "Fine, make it a double!"

Cobb was fuming. How could this be happening? Arthur and Eames _have _to be in love! They were clearly meant for each other!

Despite Cobb's previous statements, he didn't think that it was too early in the day to have a stiff drink. Yusuf prepared one and handed him a beaker filled with a clear substance. He raised an eyebrow at the Chemist and eyed the beaker with suspicion.

"It's just gin. In this lab I don't do much entertaining _or _make my solutions in coffee mugs or shot glasses, so just drink up and be grateful that I'm playing bartender with you."

Ariadne was playing on her cell phone. After a moment spent pressing buttons, she showed Cobb what she had discovered.

"I checked the Urban Dictionary. Being 'Friends with benefits' is defined as a casual sexual relationship between two friends that doesn't interfere with either person emotionally and doesn't involve commitment or monogamy. It's associated with terms like 'fuck buddies' or 'booty calls'."

Cobb groaned in despair as he looked at the entry Ariadne had chosen to display as evidence. He swallowed down the gin and then slammed the empty beaker on top of the nearest flat surface.

"Hit me again," the Extractor said, staring into the depths of the beaker, watching as Yusuf did as he was asked and filled it with more gin. "They're supposed to be in love- that's how it's supposed to go," he muttered to himself. He was unaware of how Yusuf and Ariadne traded looks over his bowed head.

"Is it really any of your business, Cobb?"

Cobb's blonde head shot up at Yusuf's words. He opened and closed his mouth, at a loss. When he finally found the words, they were more than a little dramatic.

"I almost got all of you killed! Being trapped in Limbo is worse than death- it's crazy waiting, lost in your own ideas of reality, all the while your living body just lays there and _rots_. I've apologized to you all! I have! But what do those two do with their new lease on life? They just become sex buddies!"

"Fuck buddies," Ariadne said politely, correcting Cobb. "They're fuck buddies or friends with benefits. What I'm amazed about is that you didn't seem to know- like _at all_."

Cobb shook his head and downed his gin, setting the beaker down on top of what he now realized was a small table scattered with Yusuf's notes. He moved to adjust them, feeling a little bad for using the other man's work as a coaster.

What Ariadne said had gotten him thinking. How had he never noticed? It couldn't have been anything too overt. He had worked with both men and had only noticed that they would butt heads, argue, or make disparaging comments in reference to the each other's work, ethics, or fashion sense. Had he misread the signs? Was it just all about sex?

Ariadne was looking at him, expecting him to come to his own conclusion. Yusuf didn't seem to care very much, either way. He had picked up his used beaker and slipped out of his improvised lab. It was really more of a side room that was accessible from the hallway- Yusuf could be called upon as they walked to or from the restroom, or even on a trip to the closet.

Cobb's brain was back to work- all of that humming excitement from this morning at the thought of working a good legal job was being redirected.

Ariadne appeared to sense something- she simply raised her eyebrows and didn't look away from him even as Yusuf reappeared holding the clean beaker.

"I know how to fix this," Cobb began, squinting as he looked at his empty hands. This was a dangerous sign. He had a wonderful idea; after watching them interact over the years- push and pull, come close and then dodge away- he had been certain that getting Arthur and Eames together would require a group effort!

"I just need to get them to understand. I'm going to get Arthur and Eames together if it's the last thing I do!" The Extractor looked up at them suddenly, smiling a bizarre and dreadful smile. "And you guys are going to help me!"

Yusuf dropped his beaker to the floor where it shattered into dozens of sharp pieces.

Ariadne emphatically facepalmed, not that Cobb would understand that it was the only way for her to reply to such an unreasonably _stupid_ statement.

* * *

Arthur looked up from his laptop screen to find Eames staring.

"What is it, Mr. Eames?" Arthur had a feeling that he was going to try to talk about Cobb's odd behavior. He was wrong.

"I'm pinning this one on you, Arthur."

"What?" The Point Man's eyes narrowed. "I don't understand."

Eames smirked. "_You_ initiated this- you just had to play that song and then race me to the closet!"

Arthur shook his head and proceeded to ignore him.

It didn't stop the Forger from humming the damned song. He was about to say something else to Arthur, challenge him a bit more because in spite of this poorly timed discovery it didn't mean that it would greatly affect their sex life. If anything, getting Arthur a little annoyed made it a bit better when they were able to set up another sexual rendezvous. After a couple of seconds passed, he had this bizarre feeling. He could have sworn that someone was watching him!

Eames turned his head, looking towards the hall.

* * *

Cobb had stepped out of Yusuf's lab and flattened himself against the wall. Perturbed, Ariadne and Yusuf watched the Extractor inch himself along the length of the hallway until he stood at the open doorway to the main warehouse floor. He carefully peeked around the doorframe to see what the Forger and Point Man were up to.

From his angle, it looked like they were doing nothing out of the ordinary. If anything, they were on their best behavior and weren't even gently _mocking_ one another. Arthur was typing away, not even looking up from his laptop. Eames had put his feet up and was still paging through his file folder while humming some tune that Cobb didn't recognize. There was a moment when the Forger's humming stopped. He half-closed the manila folder and turned his head in Cobb's direction.

The Extractor's immediate reaction was to pull back and shuffle farther down the hall, out of Eames's line of sight. Cobb looked back at Ariadne and Yusuf to find that they were openly staring. They were staring at him hard enough for Cobb to feel bruised.

Ariadne marched over and pointed at him with an accusing finger. She whispered to him as menacingly as possible.

"Dominic Cobb, in the name of all that is holy, do not try to fix Arthur and Eames's relationship!"

He squinted at her and pushed her pointed finger away from his chest, responding in an equally quiet tone to avoid detection.

"It's for their own good- they'd be happier if they were together rather than just denying how they feel."

"But they're already together!" Yusuf said sotto voce. "Don't reinvent the wheel, Cobb!"

Cobb was firmly shaking his head, left to right, looking far too determined.

"They aren't in a healthy relationship, Yusuf. It's all about sexual gratification and nothing about how they really feel- as I've said before, _I believe that positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time__._"

The Chemist opened his mouth and tried to form the words, he _tried _so hard! But how could he phrase it so Cobb could get it through his head? Ariadne beat him to it.

"How can you say that sex isn't positive? As adults, I think we can say that sex expresses a great positive feeling." She paused and shrugged a little, still whispering. "Well, _I_ always feel really positive about sex."

This left Cobb without anything to say- he knew that it hadn't been his strongest argument. It was just the crux of Arthur and Eames's current relationship. He had to think. No, he had to _plan_.

It took a moment. He was thinking of his most successful job, the most dangerous job, but also the one that had the highest reward.

"What we need," said Cobb, quietly but decisively, "Is a plan- a plan that is titled with a word that ends in '-tion'!"

Cobb was off and running before either of his team mates could catch him or demand more answers. They followed him out of the hallway, passed the two dream workers they were expending an embarrassing amount of energy and attention over, and followed Cobb out the front door.

* * *

When the rest of their team raced past him to rush out the door which was slammed shut in their haste, Eames looked up. He closed his folder to look at Arthur, who had also been distracted by the sudden exodus with Cobb in the lead.

"Is there a field trip we don't know about, darling?" Eames asked while looking at the front door. At first, he wasn't sure that the Point Man was going to reply.

But Arthur hummed and shook his head.

"No idea," he said before pausing thoughtfully. "From the smell of him, Cobb's gotten into Yusuf's gin- he's going to be planning something. Just be prepared in case Cobb tries to corner you."

Eames saluted smartly and went back to reading.

* * *

The "Let's Get Arthur and Eames Together" trio walked down the street.

"Honestly, what is with you and the suffix '-tion'?"

Cobb paused as he walked with his hands in his pockets. He shrugged. "It's a root word, a suffix, and changes a word from a verb to a noun. How can you _not_ like it?"

Yusuf wasn't expecting that. The explanation had Ariadne rolling her eyes. Inception was a dreamshare concept that had been often talked about but only became a success when Dominic Cobb incepted his wife and then had the help of the best of dreamshare to incept Robert Fischer. Cobb was clearly putting a lot of faith in the suffix '-tion'.

There was no talking him out of it. Cobb wanted to title their completely insane and slightly unethical project with a nine letter word that ended in '-tion', as if it would be the key to their success.

It was like Cobb was a dictionary. He just began to list them off faster than either Yusuf or Ariadne could comment or question. Not many of the words applied to the supposed job.

"Evolution, Adoration, Affection, Addiction, Direction, Sensation, Promotion," Cobb was cut off by laughter. His team was laughing at him! Cobb squinted and waited for them to stop.

Their laughter eventually slowed down but it was clear that they thought his idea was ridiculous. "If you named the job Evolution it would be like you're comparing two of the best dream workers to monkeys," Yusuf explained.

"Now, Adoration or Affection might work." Ariadne said, ignoring the way that Cobb looked hopeful. It made it easier to take apart the other suggested names. "But, Addiction and Sensation seem to be a little too close to what you deem not positive."

"And the other ones just don't make much sense. I think that you only chose them because the words were exactly nine letters long and ended in '-tion'!" Yusuf added merrily.

Unfortunately, this got Cobb thinking.

"I," Cobb announced in the middle of the busy sidewalk, "know what I will call this plan, this _job_! Finding a word with nine letters that end in '-tion' would have been ideal, considering that in numerology the number nine signifies the highest level of changes. No, I will call it '-tion!' which literally translates into _a state of being_."

"_With_ an exclamation point?" Yusuf asked, because he could clearly hear the presence of an exclamation point from the way that Cobb _pronounced_ it. He didn't mention his initial thought of _how original_.

Cobb raised an eyebrow and shook his head, saying: "Of course!" like any other way was crazy. But at the moment, Cobb was so far gone that he was looking at crazy in the rear-view mirror.

* * *

"We need to separate them." Cobb paused in order to take a bite of the hot dog he had purchased from a cart on the street. After chewing thoughtfully and wiping a bit of mustard off of his upper lip with a napkin, he added, "They're far too powerful when together."

Ariadne drank her extra large soda and Yusuf examined a pretzel. Since he wasn't eating or drinking anything at the moment, he got to state the obvious.

"When did this become a folktale, legend, or bad supernatural television show? I'm going to leave if your next suggestion involves amulets, potions, or spells."

Cobb crumpled up his napkin and threw it in the nearby trashcan. The hot dog did him some good after all of the gin!

"There are no spells or magic that can fix this, so don't get too eager to jump ship. I still think that we can do this. It's a lot like Inception," he said, walking away and expecting them to follow. They _did_ follow him like ducklings but it wasn't in reference to his skills as a charismatic leader of the team. At the rate they were going, Ariadne and Yusuf followed him to make sure he didn't get hurt crossing the street.

"We're going to plant the idea of forming a _romantic_ relationship into Eames's mind."

"But why would you incept Eames?" Ariadne said, huffing a little to keep up with Cobb's long-legged stride. "Why not pick Arthur?"

Cobb smiled. "I know Arthur too well- he won't crack. If he ever wanted to be in love, he'd just do it. Arthur's too professional and focused to let his feelings get in the way."

Ariadne didn't like the sound of that- despite how she didn't agree with what Cobb was proposing in the first place, the Extractor had just described Arthur as a sort of robot. She knew that it wasn't so! But persuading Cobb of that was a different problem as he was set on targeting their Forger.

"No," he said, "If we want to succeed, we need to get Eames to understand that he _does_ love Arthur- and I mean _all _of Arthur!"

Yusuf snickered to himself. "I'm sure that he shows his appreciation of _all_ of Arthur fairly regularly!"

"I meant his _heart_!" Cobb shook his head. "I swear, once this is over we are all going to go into sensitivity training!"

* * *

Cobb knew that he wasn't going about this correctly. He wasn't using enough finesse. But there were only so many ways to get Eames to listen to what he was saying. Sometimes even the best men resort to bribes.

To properly bribe Eames, one would have to have studied his behaviors and known his history. What made the man tick, what did he _want_?

It was too bad that they couldn't pull Eames in on his own topside Inception- he was great at puzzling these things out. And it turned out that the man unintentionally did just that as Cobb asked him to step outside with him.

The first words out of the Forger's mouth were, "I'm dying for a fag."

Cobb was a bright man and understood that in this case fag really mean cigarette. He also knew that there was one person on his team who happened to smoke…he used several uninventive gestures to get Yusuf to fork over his full pack of cigarettes.

If Eames had been suspicious when he and Cobb were accompanied by the Chemist and Architect, all questions fled when he caught sight of the pack of cigarettes Cobb was offering in a nonchalant way. Cobb was already mentally berating himself for offering cigarettes in such a fashion- what would his children say?!

"I really shouldn't," was the first thing out of Eames's mouth- but then he plucked a cigarette from the pack, lit up, and after taking his first puff, exhaled a heavy plume of smoke. Cobb hated it, didn't understand how Eames could like the stuff, it was so unhealthy!

Eames smiled at Cobb, and when he spoke, it looked his words were wreathed in the smoke.

"It's been way too long- Arthur told me I should quit a couple years back. I've missed so many important opportunities to smoke!" Eames took another drag and closed his eyes, really savoring it. When he exhaled he began blowing smoke rings.

"I'll call this one _Agreed to Quit Smoking._"

Ariadne glared at Cobb who raised his hands in defense. Yusuf had a feeling that he wasn't going to be reimbursed for his cigarettes.

Now, Eames was happy as he smoked. As he smoked he began to chat with them in a very relaxed, matter of fact, manner.

"You know, Arthur told me that you'd try to corner me. While I appreciate the cigarettes, I need to know what I'm being bribed to do. I still have standards," Eames reminded Cobb.

Cobb leaned back against the wall of their warehouse. It had seemed best to take Eames out to what amounted to their parking lot- it was a quiet spot to talk and in Eames's case, smoke like a chimney.

"I want you to have a loving relationship with Arthur," Cobb said, blatantly ignoring how Ariadne facepalmed or how Yusuf rolled his eyes and stole a cigarette from Eames.

This had Eames grinning. Cobb wasn't sure what to do with this- was he happy? Was he going to go along with it? Or was he going to shaft them like the dastardly criminal he had been before going legal at Arthur's suggestion?

"That's lovely, Cobb. Really! But it won't happen."

Cobb opened his mouth and mentioned his plan. How '-tion!' was going to help them!

Eames caught onto Cobb's idea and nodded thoughtfully. "To tell you the truth, me and Arthur have experienced some of those nine letter words that end in '-tion.' Like, fellation." Eames smirked in Cobb's direction while taking a drag, making it just a _little_ obscene. "That's a great one!"

Cobb didn't blush. He simply raised an eyebrow. "If you're trying to embarrass me, you need to work harder."

Eames continued to blow smoke rings until he needed another cigarette. He called the next one _Inception_. The one after that was _Inception 2_- it was followed by _Inception 3_.

Cobb stared at his watch and then back at the smoking Forger who was watching him curiously.

"Why are you getting involved in me and Arthur's sex life?"

"You were pretty close to doing it in the closet this morning. Have you no pity on the clothes others hang-up in there?"

"That doesn't answer my question, Cobb. Are you trying to fulfill some strange wish? Are you attempting to live vicariously _through_ me and Arthur?"

Cobb got a little flustered.

"I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with either of you!"

Eames nodded thoughtfully. "Of course not! I wouldn't dream of suggesting it! See, what _I_ was thinking was that after returning to your dear children and coming back to working the legal side of dreamshare, you've been struck even more so by the absence of your late wife."

There was silence. Lots of it. All that could be heard was the soft hiss of exhaled smoke and the sound of Eames taking another drag.

"You loved her dearly, she was the mother of your children, and worked with you in dreamshare. Now, you seem to have returned to where you last left off in your life- sans Mal, of course. Maybe you looked around yourself and asked, 'Where's the love?'"

Cobb looked from Ariadne to Yusuf, but they didn't seem to have any helpful ideas. He was unsure of where to start, but muttered to a slightly smug Eames. "You're too damned insightful. But we aren't working on me; we're working on _you and Arthur_!"

Eames was rolling his eyes and waving the smoke away from his face.

"Fine, I'll humor you. How would you go about making me and Arthur fall in love? Try and plant the idea in my mind, Extractor-extraordinaire!"

Cobb's eyes flashed, and for a moment Eames looked to be uneasy. He had made a mistake, because the worst thing he could have done was give the Extractor a challenge.

* * *

Eames remembered the day his relationship changed with Arthur. Long before Inception, they had danced around each other. It was the attraction and distaste, you annoy me and I annoy you, and the bickering and arguing that magnetized them as much as it could repel.

It was unresolved sexual tension that fueled them and a love of their work that kept them together as both men were the best in their fields and would work together more often than not. The idea was Arthur's. He came to Eames one day with a proposal- very formal, complete with rules, about how they would proceed to have a sexual relationship that didn't involve love.

It wasn't romantic the first time they had sex- there was no talk of "making love" or anything like that. It was strictly physical. The first time they did what everyone _thought_ they were up to already, was on a job. After their first successful fling, anywhere was fine as long as they had privacy. It was always hot and glorious!

They were a perfect match in the bedroom. Or anywhere else they chose to hook up- the options were as many and varied as the sites Arthur helped secure to work from. So far they had done it in closets, bathrooms, once in that dressing room of a dilapidated clothes store, attics, storm shelters, and any other quiet space that wasn't likely to be investigated by any of their teammates. They had great chemistry; and if Eames wasn't being questioned and put through a bizarre topside Inception by Cobb, he'd stick with the party line.

In the beginning, he wasn't in love- he was just terribly attracted to his bossy but beautiful Point Man. He hadn't been in love when he heard the cute rumors about their relationship.

But Eames was starting to think twice. He wasn't in love before Inception. It would be a lie if he said that everything stayed the same _after_ the near disaster of Inception. Now things were changing. Right now, with Cobb at his side tying things together and pressing the issue, the man was dropping hints and ideas like breadcrumbs that he'd think that Eames was dumb enough to follow.

"You really think I'm stupid enough to go along with a _suggestion_?"

Cobb grinned. "What was it you said on the Fischer job? If I remember correctly, Arthur had been impressed…"

"Yes, yes- and I told him that his condescension was much appreciated! But, what you don't seem to understand is that this isn't an inception. Suggesting to me that I really love Arthur isn't going to make me believe it further down the line."

Eames dropped his cigarette to the ground and put it out under his shoe, grinding it against the concrete. He wasn't going to give himself the idea- _he wasn't going to incept himself into loving Arthur._

But he was thinking about it, which was what Cobb had wanted in the first place.

* * *

Eames, deep in thought, relinquished what was left of Yusuf's pack of cigarettes. Saying he was going for a walk, Eames turned and left. He didn't notice how Cobb jumped up and down and turned to offer high-fives to his reluctant team members.

They didn't offer their raised palms to him and he was forced to let his hands fall to his sides. He was too happy with the latest development to be annoyed with their lack of excitement.

"This is the perfect groundwork! He's off on his own with nothing but his own thoughts ringing in his head!"

"He's not going to just come back with a heart full of love for Arthur," Ariadne muttered.

If Cobb were a dog, his ears would have pricked up at her words. But, instead, the Extractor sported a smile wide enough to remind Ariadne of her childhood pet, Charlie the Golden Retriever. Charlie had such an infectious smile. She shook her head, trying to dislodge her thoughts of good old Charlie who was staying at her family home, far far away.

Cobb must have noticed the sad look that appeared on her face for just a moment. His smile grew and he pointed at her triumphantly.

"I'm going to encourage Eames to have that feeling- I want him to _wear_ that look!"

"But I was just thinking of my pet dog…I miss him!"

But Cobb was nodding eagerly, waving his hand like it hadn't mattered if Ariadne had been thinking of her beloved pet or a potted plant.

"Stage two of '-tion!' will follow the beloved idiom 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'!"

* * *

When Eames got back, he found Cobb sitting on the steps that led to the front door of the warehouse- waiting for him.

This was odd- the whole day had been odd. The first spark of unease came when he noticed that Cobb was holding the file folder Arthur had prepared specifically for Eames. It wasn't that he was jealous of anyone touching stuff that Arthur gave him- not that he had any business being territorial over the materials Arthur prepared- but, it was not something Cobb had any right to be playing with.

The Extractor was paging through the information Arthur had prepared, nodding to himself over some note that Arthur must have scribbled in the margins of the neatly typed pages. It wasn't out of the ordinary for Arthur to do that- it was just that he personalized it with Eames. Everyone else would get notes that referenced their roles- Ariadne would receive tips about which styles of architecture the mark best-loved and would most likely be present in his dreamscapes, Yusuf would receive details about the mark's medical and drug history to reduce the risk of reactions to the Chemist's Somnacin mix, and Cobb would be fed a series of suggestions about where and how the mark would be most vulnerable to either an Extraction or possible Inception.

But their messages were bland; they were lifeless and without color. Strict and professional jargon was used for their messages. Not Eames's! First, Eames was referred to by name in the messages. It felt nice to see that in the margins there were comments and suggestions from Arthur where he sounded like they were starting a conversation that could be continued later. In a way, all of the Point Man's comments and notes could be viewed like that. However, Eames was certain that later on, Arthur really _would_ like to hear about how he had secured an appointment with the mark in order to chat up and observe his secretary. According to Arthur, she would be the one to Forge in the dream to get Mr. Adam Meyer to spill the beans about the projects he had been sabotaging and the money he had been stealing. Meyer's boss was their client and had been specific and honest about the reason for an Extraction. The company wished to fire Mr. Meyer's but believed that he still had certain _resources_ that would definitely find their way into the hands of competitors after they performed the at-will termination. The secretary who reportedly had such a close relationship with Meyer was under suspicion of collusion. Who better to Forge himself as in a dream geared to make Meyer give up his secrets? Who wouldn't want to tell all to their supposed partner in crime?

Eames had been halfway through the notes on Meyer and his relationship with Lisa the secretary when Cobb had taken him outside and plied him with cigarettes. He could still taste the nicotine, his voice was rough from the smoke, and he reeked of tobacco. Arthur wasn't going to be happy.

Eames was thinking about how Arthur wasn't going to be happy with him for smoking again, how he had a job to do, and how he really wanted to do something to get Cobb's hands _off_ of his set of notes that had all of Arthur's clever little suggestions written by hand in the margins. Not caring what it looked like, Eames snatched the folder away from Cobb. He wasn't eager to hear whatever the Extractor was thinking- who knows, he might have taken Eames's mockery seriously and decided to incept him into loving Arthur.

"It's interesting, Eames." Cobb began still seated, not worried by the look on the Forger's face or how the man chose to tower over him. "Why do you suppose Arthur writes everyone else's notes in cursive, but not yours?"

Eames grit his teeth and refused to answer. While he could forge signatures he found _reading_ cursive to be difficult. He had mentioned it once, off-hand, and hadn't expected the Point Man to do anything about it. But, after that, in every job they did together, Arthur would write in block letters because his printing was much clearer than his cursive. In the beginning of their casual friends with benefits relationship, it was something that made Eames feel a little fond of Arthur- how he was considerate and didn't even think to pester him over his difficulty. It left an impression on Eames.

When it became clear that Eames wasn't going to provide him with an answer, Cobb changed tactics. He stood, stretched, and continued to block the path up the stairs that would allow Eames to reach the door of the warehouse and Arthur, who no doubt was waiting inside.

"You've missed the briefing, so I thought that I'd wait and give you his marching orders."

Eames raised an eyebrow. "I can't talk to him?"

"He's completely swamped right now, Eames!" Cobb said, as if he were surprised by Eames's tone. "We've got a deadline and I need you to perfect that Forgery. Arthur made sure to secure the appointment time for you and you'll have to hustle to down there. Good luck."

Curious, Eames opened the folder to find that there was a blue post-it-note on top of the original papers from Arthur. It specified the address and the time of the appointment. There was also a single name in quotation marks. Did Arthur give the name to the secretary over the phone while securing the appointment or did he manage to _steal_ another person's appointment by hacking the secretary's computer? Arthur left another note: _Go to the appointment thirty minutes early. Meyer will be at lunch. Count yourself lucky that I was able to call "Daniel" and get him to agree to another date and time for his first interview._

When he really looked at the papers the post-it was attached to, he found that he was looking at a resume belonging to a man who shared the first name Arthur had provided. The Forger couldn't hold back the smile he felt blossoming across his face- Arthur had played thief _and_ fake secretary in order to steal him the identity of the man who was _supposed_ to go in for an interview! And, knowing Arthur, he did it without alerting Lisa the secretary. It was just another reason that Eames found himself feeling happy over- that he had the best Point Man in dreamshare on his side, which would avoid writing in cursive for him, and would also rock his world on a regular basis!

When Eames looked up at Cobb again, the man was giving him that _look_.

"There it is," Cobb said, "You love Arthur- it's as plain as the nose on your face!" Cobb's expression became a little sly. "Or the _smile_ on your face!"

"Get this straight, Cobb. This?" Eames said as he pointed to his fading smile. "This isn't a loving face! It's not a _loving_ smile. It's an appreciative smile because I work with a sane Point Man!"

Feeling that he had straightened that out, Eames turned and walked off, muttering to himself about where he could get a suit good enough for a fake interview and that he needed mouthwash because he didn't want to reek of tobacco for said fake interview. Luckily, Eames had several hours to work with, even with Arthur's suggestion to arrive early.

* * *

With Eames gone, Cobb felt that it was time to prime Arthur. It wouldn't make any sense to focus completely on Eames.

While he had already laid the groundwork to get Eames into the mindset acknowledging his love for the Point Man, Cobb needed to be sure that Arthur wouldn't shoot the other man down.

As Cobb entered the warehouse, feeling positive and certain of his success, he was shut down by the formidable frown Arthur was sending his way from his behind his laptop.

"Stop trying to play Eames against me."

Cobb swallowed hard and maintained eye contact. He was certain that Mal would have been proud of him for his effort as she had been known to mention how fierce Arthur could become when crossed.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Arthur."

The Point Man rolled his eyes and got up from his chair, ignoring his work because personal issues were now screwing with _everything_.

Arthur walked over to where Cobb stood, watching as the man schooled his features into something that wouldn't immediately tell the observant Point Man that he was intimidated.

"Since when do you have a right to plot, influence, or stick your nose in other people's business?"

Cobb squinted back. "When I caught you guys getting ready to do it inside the closet, I thought that it was time for me to get involved in your business."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "So, if we were actually in love you would be laying off of us? Fine," Arthur nodded and began his declaration. "We love each other. It's all hearts and roses! It all started several years ago. One day, I stopped what I was doing and came to him, unable to suppress my feelings. He felt the same way and we became involved physically, mentally, and spiritually through our mutual _love_ of one another. It's so strong that it defied my dislike of paisley and his teasing about specificity."

The Point Man raised an eyebrow at Cobb and shrugged. "Do you feel better about it now?"

The Extractor worried at his bottom lip, thinking it over before shaking his head. "I think that you're being sarcastic, Arthur. You've got to stop treating love like it's a dirty word;it's not embarrassing or wrong. Why do you have to _mockingly_ say that you and Eames are in love?"

Arthur's left eye twitched and Cobb took a single step backwards and away from him. Just in case.

"It's none of your business if I love Eames, just like it's none of your business if Eames loves me. What are you going to do now? Try and show me the proof?"

Once again, Cobb thought, don't challenge an Extractor.

"Saito told me a bit about what happened on the first level during the Fischer job. He may have been hit, bleeding out from wounds that would eventually land him in Limbo, but he recalled your great concern for Eames as the militarized projections shot up the car you were driving."

Cobb waited, watched Arthur's expression, and then continued on. "You may have started out your relationship as something that just involved casual sex, but it couldn't stay that way. Our work was illegal and dangerous- you had to have more than a physical appreciation of Eames. What about how smart he is, or how clever, or how good he is at crafting his Forgeries?"

Arthur smirked and narrowed his eyes. "Aside from his skills as a Forger, one of the things I always appreciated was the man's lack of a gag reflex."

"Right," Cobb said, trying to ignore the fact that Arthur had just implied that Eames gave him great blow jobs. Blushing was not an option right now! "Well, did he ever say that he appreciated anything particular about _you_?"

The Point Man thought about it. He nodded briefly while folding his arms against his chest. "Sure, he loved the fact that I'm flexible." He raised his eyes to Cobb's face at just the right moment, smiling sweetly before adding, "Very flexible, you know?"

Cobb's eyebrows shot up automatically at Arthur's tone. He knew that Arthur was going to be a tough nut to crack . That's why he hoped that Ariadne was able to do as he asked, despite her complaints.

The truth was, he had needed something of Arthur's and he was sure that he would have lost a hand trying to get it for him. As if fate were conspiring against him, Arthur's phone began to ring.

Filling the warehouse with its cheerful and absurd sound, "Banana Phone" by Raffi began to play; the ringtone grew louder as the confused Point Man pulled his phone out of his pocket.

If the strange ringtone hadn't made it obvious, the look of the phone sealed the deal. Arthur's phone was black, sleek, had a touch screen, and didn't have a "Banana Phone" ringtone on it for regular callers.

It made sense because the phone in Arthur's hand wasn't his phone. The phone was smaller, bubblegum pink and white, and belonged to their Architect. Cobb recognized it from when he had last seen it this morning, had looked at it up close when Ariadne had shown him the definition of friends with benefits.

There were only a couple of ways to play this. Cobb could come out and say that he _may_ have asked Ariadne to secure Arthur's cell phone as a part of their '-tion!' plan. He could make a comment about how pink wasn't Arthur's color. But, really, he wanted to know how her phone had made its way into Arthur's pocket. Sure, he had been kind of _vague_ as to how she was supposed to get the Point Man's phone but he hadn't thought she would go all _ninja_ on Arthur…

Rather than look perturbed, Arthur was holding the still ringing phone. He thought to press a button to ignore the call, ending the music.

"You are all crazy," Arthur muttered, already set on finding the Architect and trading phones. Cobb followed after him, still curious about how the switch had been performed, ready to ask Ariadne when they found her. To be fair, he did send a text message to Arthur's phone to give her advance warning.

* * *

Eames hadn't needed the resume. He had gotten into the office precisely thirty minutes early for his appointment. When he had noticed that lovely Lisa was in the middle of tearing the wrapper off of a power bar, he had mentioned that if it wouldn't interfere with her work, they could catch lunch while Meyer was out of the office.

It was a gamble. From everything he had read about Lisa, she was dedicated to her work _and_ to Mr. Meyer. But, looking at the sorry power bar she had been about to take a large bite of when he walked through her door, he thought that she might not be averse to eating out.

He was right- he was also sure that his clean shave, nice suit, polished shoes, and non-tobacco scented breath presented a wholesome image. He was just Daniel, the man who came early for his appointment with Mr. Meyer.

She had told him to avoid the cafeteria and directed him to this little sandwich place that was next door to the office building she worked from. He was polite and gentlemanly; he watched her for little tics, interesting motions of the hands, and fed her all of the proper lines. That he was trying to find a new job, looking for something fresh, could start immediately. They chatted about nonsense things as they shared lunch.

It was fine. It was okay. If he could just observe her interacting with Meyer, it would help him complete this image of her for the Forgery. She really was lovely- her hair was short and honey blonde, her makeup was understated but pleasing. He was evaluating her clothes- the heels weren't too high, the skirt that brushed her knees matched the jacket she wore over a blindingly white shirt. As he was thinking about it, nodding in response to something she was saying, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket.

While it was a surprise, he tried to be polite and smiled at her in his embarrassment. She waved her hand before picking up her sandwich and taking a large bite.

He looked at his phone and noticed that he had received a text message from Arthur.

_There is something I have to tell you._

Eames raised an eyebrow and texted back.

_Kind of busy, darling._

His phone vibrated immediately with Arthur's response.

_It's serious. I feel that we should have a conversation about our relationship._

Before Eames could come up with a reply, he got another text message- this one was from Ariadne.

_Disregard any text messages you receive from my phone- this is Arthur._

Now, Eames wasn't sure what to do. Who was texting him from Arthur's number? And what was Ariadne doing sending him a message and _claiming_ to be Arthur? Before he could come up with a reply to _that_, he was hit by a confusing string of messages.

Lisa was watching him curiously, wiping her mouth with a folded napkin. "My," she said, "It sounds like you have an emergency!"

Eames was frowning at the messages that popped up within seconds of each other.

Arthur: _I love_ _you_.

Ariadne: _I need you back here before this situation gets out of hand, Mr. Eames. _

Cobb: _For the record, I just want you two to have a happy relationship._

Yusuf: _While you're out could you stop and pick up some milk? And maybe replace my cigarettes?_

It was madness. Out of the four messages he only responded to Yusuf's.

_I'll pick up the milk. Buy your own cigarettes. Try and keep Arthur from either murdering everyone or making grand declarations of love!_

Eames, still playing the role of Daniel, looked up at Lisa and began to spin another tale- later, if he were to be asked what story he told to get back to the warehouse so fast, he wouldn't recall.

The only thing he would remember was the look on the woman's face as he turned and _ran_!

* * *

Yusuf's lab wasn't the most inventive of hiding places, but Ariadne wouldn't leave the warehouse with her prize. She held Arthur's cell phone in her hands reverently, as if it were a relic, or something magic. In a way, it was. For this cell phone held the contact numbers of some of the most powerful people in dreamshare. There were no real names listed, everything was coded with initials only and had special identifying ringtones. For example, under a capital "c" was Cobb's number and his special ringtone was "Mr. Lonely" by Bobby Vinton. She found herself thinking that it was interesting what Arthur chose to reveal on his phone- that it was the ringtones that were the most revealing. She searched, and guessed, and played with Arthur's phone before really settling down and getting to business.

Offering her the only chair in the room, Yusuf leaned against a wall and watched her work. "You could have left the warehouse. It would greatly reduce the likelihood of Arthur finding you before you finish-," Yusuf frowned and shook his head, at a loss for words, added, "-whatever that is."

The Architect shrugged. "He's going to be mad enough when he figures out I took his phone- I'd rather not make him run around to get it back."

He nodded his agreement. "So, you're going to pretend to be Arthur and send Eames loving texts?"

Personally, he couldn't imagine Arthur sending loving texts. Arthur looked like the sort of guy who would want to say it aloud and in person. With how this texting stuff went, he was certain that Arthur wouldn't appreciate a reply of "3". What did that mean anyway? Yes, it was a picture of a heart, but whenever Yusuf saw that type of response he translated it into "lesser than three."

Despite these special ringtones, Arthur kept his phone on vibrate. Yusuf watched as Ariadne took it off of vibrate and began her texting.

Feeling out of the loop, Yusuf moved closer and looked over her shoulder. Despite this, he still asked, "And what are you going to say to him?"

"You know," Ariadne said, "Something to get him to listen and think that Arthur is trying to confess something. Cobb's 'absence makes the heart grow fonder idea' could build on it." She typed: _There is something I have to tell you._

And then, she sent it.

The Chemist snorted. "That's your opening line? Eames would want something a bit _more_."

Ariadne paused to look up at Yusuf. "That's a bit vague- please, what do you mean by _more_?"

Yusuf rubbed the back of his neck and thought about it. "It's just that saying that you have something to tell him makes it sound like a breakup text- why don't you say that you _miss _him? It's just that some of Cobb's reasoning is spot on. I've lived with Eames- I've seen him in his natural habitat and it's interesting to see him display his emotions when no one's looking."

From Ariadne's expression, he could tell that she wanted details. Yusuf didn't want to give it away- a man was entitled to _some_ secrets. The first one that came to mind was the time that he'd caught Eames sitting on the couch crying his eyes out and reaching for the box of Kleenex, all while he hugged a large dog that was sitting on his lap. It wasn't something he had talked to Eames about- it was normal for people to cry, though he had been kind of confused about where Eames had managed to find the dog. He pushed the thought away and ignored Ariadne's searching gaze.

Before she could ask again, a ringtone began to play: _I found God in a catalytic converter in Topeka on a Monday night. Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future so you know what keeps me hangin' around. No, you can't keep a good man down._

Yusuf and Ariadne shared a look and then looked at the phone.

"I wouldn't have thought to use a Ludo song," Ariadne said.

"It's awfully hopeful, isn't it?" What Yusuf _didn't_ say was, that it reminded him of redemption, another word that ended in '–tion' but wasn't exactly _nine_ letters long, and screw Cobb's use of an exclamation point. It also reminded him of the one and only time he heard Eames's ringtone for Arthur- it was the bright and jazzy chorus line of "Arthur in the Afternoon." While he had been mildly certain that they were fooling around, the song had been a shock. It fit, but damn, it was always a little jarring to have your suspicions even vaguely confirmed…

The chorus of "Topeka" by Ludo played once more, so Ariadne heeded its call and pressed a button to stop the music and open the reply to her original text.

It said: _Kind of busy, darling._

They looked at it in silence. They received another text message; this one was from Dom.

_Look out, Arthur's coming to get his cell phone…btw, how did you steal it from him?_

Ariadne smirked to herself and said, "I will never reveal the secret."

Yusuf rolled his eyes, "I watched you take it off the desk when he wasn't looking and replace it with that pink thing you call a phone." The Chemist frowned; still puzzled by how Arthur was _just_ finding out that he didn't really have his phone on him. What would happen if some other person managed to get Arthur's phone that easily?

As he thought about it, Ariadne created another message. It read:_ It's serious. I feel that we should have a conversation about our relationship._

And then, she followed it up with another, much shorter one. This one said: _I love you_.

Yusuf peeked at the screen and read the words. He was happy that she hadn't used that stupid sign- with a message like that, the words meant more, even if it really wasn't _Arthur_ saying it…

Yusuf pulled out his own phone, thinking that it wouldn't be a bad idea to send Eames a message before everything went to hell. He could pick some stuff up while he was out…

The door to his lab was opened hard enough that it slammed into the wall and rebounded against Arthur, who stood in the doorway with the pink and white cell phone in his hand. Cobb was lurking near Arthur, pocketing his own cell phone. Did _he_ also try and send a message to Eames, absolving himself of guilt or asking for things? Maybe. Yusuf imagined that the two dream workers had been texting while they did the very _short_ search of the warehouse that lead them right to the lab. X marked the spot, the hunt was done, and now all that was left to do was to wait for the dominoes to fall.

Arthur and Ariadne didn't trade cell phones so much as Arthur stomped over to her and grabbed his phone and then dropped hers onto her lap.

"It's not a nice thing to just grab someone's phone while they're working, Ariadne!" Arthur said as he looked through his phone, checking and double checking to see if anything had been changed or violated by their thieving Architect. Said Architect raised a mocking eyebrow in response to Arthur's complaint.

"You were playing Minesweeper!" Ariadne argued.

There was no response to this, at all, because Arthur was busy looking at the text messages Ariadne had sent. His face fell when he saw the last one.

"Oh no," Arthur said as he looked at the last text.

"I'd suggest waiting out in the main room," Yusuf said, trying to not obviously glance at the message he had received from Eames. The Cavalry was coming…and he was going to bring the milk, just like Yusuf had asked!

* * *

While it would have been dramatic and made Cobb squint in triumph at seeing an act of true romance being performed by his quasi-mark and teammate, Eames didn't ride in on a horse. He didn't have a shiny sword to swing, or armor to wear, or even the proper 'knight in shining armor' lingo. Eames understood that Arthur was the last person to need a hero. It would insult the Point Man. He was capable of saving himself, thank you. But Cobb might try and say that Arthur was the romantic comedy's male version of the _tough woman who can stand on her own two feet and didn't need a man to save her_- kind of character that would end up falling in love any way.

So, without a horse, without a sword, and without a clever speech, Eames arrived to possibly save _everyone else _from Arthur's wrath. He ran in, chest heaving, gripping a half-gallon jug of milk in one hand. The four dream workers watched him- Yusuf grabbed the milk when it was shoved at him, as Cobb and Ariadne were divided between watching Eames, who was too out of breath to form full sentences and Arthur, who had looked up from his cell phone the second the Forger arrived. It took Eames a minute, but he finally began to speak.

"I-," Eames said, waving away Yusuf who approached, looking worried. "I just _jogged_ away from our mark's secretary. I just _ran_ to pick up milk. I just _sprinted_ all the way over here because you've all gone mad! Let me tell you what I think." Eames stood and straightened his once nice looking suit and wiped the beads of sweat off his brow.

"Cob, we told you before. Me and Arthur are in a relationship that doesn't involve love- I still stick with what I told you when you plied me the cigarettes. If you want to be around people who are in love, go and fall in love- better yet, make friends with nothing but _couples who are in love_! And Ariadne! Clearly, since you tried to send me love messages from Arthur's phone and expected me to believe them, you need to go back to school and grow up _just a bit more_! And you!" Eames turned his attention to the cringing Chemist.

Eames huffed and at first couldn't say anything. Yusuf looked at him with just a bit of shame, waiting for the hammer to drop. The Forger took a second and then reached into his pocket. When Eames threw something to Yusuf, the man grabbed for it immediately, breaking into a wide grin when he looked at the pristine pack of cigarettes in his hands.

The Forger shrugged. "First, I'm not happy that you're involved in this. Second, I forgot how expensive that junk is- it'll be a good reminder for the next time I'm tempted to light up."

That left one person- Arthur.

They met each other halfway, hesitant. This was the most uncomfortable either man had felt in their long relationship. To think, the sex had been blissfully easy and it was the acknowledgement of _feelings_ that proved to be hard.

"I want you to know that I didn't send those text messages," Arthur said.

Eames nodded heavily. "I know. I would understand if you didn't want to continue this," Eames began, trying to ignore their audience. It was harder than he thought; he noticed how both Yusuf and Ariadne were trying to take Cobb out of the room and give them something that looked like privacy. But Cobb was resisting, wanting to watch this scene play out to the proper ending. Eames took his time with it, watched Arthur for the signs to stop. But, for the most part, the Point Man seemed to be willing to listen.

"The trouble with Cobb being too involved in our relationship is that he noticed something that I wasn't seeing. I've been thinking about it all day. I've been watching you, and thinking of you, and the whole time I've been finding all of these little things I've come to adore about you. I suppose what I should say is that, it's not just about the sex. That if I were honest, I would say that it was _never_ just about the sex."

The Forger paused and _finally_ said it.

"When I first met you, I had two distinct impressions. The first was that you were a bossy nitpick of a Point Man that needed a proper fucking. The second was that, if I wasn't careful, I could very easily fall in love with you." Eames smiled an easy smile at him, divulging his secrets without worry because after all, if over half of the dreamshare community already believed they were in love, how much of a secret could it be?

"That was an awful lot of words to just get to a 'I love you', Mr. Eames." Arthur said in a haughty tone. He nodded his head in Cobb's direction and shared a smirk with Eames. "Cobb's awfully nosy. I believe that the romantic in him is begging for us to do more than _say_ how we feel."

The Point Man winked at him and proposed a few ideas.

"Let's go on a date. When you walk me home, take the long way so we can have time to talk about your meeting with that secretary. You'll see me to my door, we'll have a moment spent congratulating ourselves on being responsible adults who deal with how we really feel without resorting to having sex in a public restroom, and then I'll kiss you goodnight."

"You and your love of specificity!" Eames complained, grabbing for Arthur's tie- which he used to pull the Point Man forwards and have their lips meet in their first truly romantic kiss.

From the peanut gallery, there was a three-part sigh.

"It's-" Cobb said, choking up. "It's better than I imagined. See, I told you it would work! Let's hear it for team work!"

Yusuf and Ariadne shrugged, though they weren't unaffected by the cuteness of the moment. It had been done; '-tion' (with or without the damned exclamation point) had been a success. They led the Extractor out of the warehouse to truly give their Forger and Point Man some privacy. Cobb was bursting with ideas as they stepped out of the warehouse and walked outside, enjoying the cooling evening air.

"You know, I'm pretty good at this!" he said, as if he hadn't had to browbeat and antagonize the confessions of love out of Arthur and Eames. "I would be a wonderful matchmaker!"

Yusuf shook his head sadly. "They were already a match."

Cobb ignored him. "They were in denial, trust me, we helped them out. They could do something nice to thank us. Maybe they'll send us a fruit basket or something!"

"Don't count on it," muttered Ariadne.

* * *

Fact- They all lived happily ever after.

A.N: Done- finally! It took too long and it went in so many silly directions before I settled on this final product. But, I'm happy to have gotten it out of the way before the Fall semester starts!


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